Happy Freakin Halloween
by Raven-2010
Summary: Days before Halloween the gangs staying at Taisho manor, Shippous Little fox buddies get nailed in a twisted ways. Inu dresses Jaken up in pink girls clothes as revenge for a trick. Sessh & Inu have a twisted practical joke war, comedy romance Sessh/Kag


**I don't own Inuyasha Rumiko Takahashi, and VIZ Media do. Rated R Lime**

A few days before Halloween Sesshoumaru, and Inuyasha are engaged in their Halloween practical joke war. Inu and Jaken also have a twisted battle. Updated Nov 10 2011 yes folks this deranged version is what happens when I'm on pain killers, read at your own risk, Muwhahaha, lol, written for Halloween 2011, Sessh/Kag

**Happy Freakin Halloween**

**By Raven 2010 Oct 9 2011**

**Halloween sniping, Kitchen horror**

"Ya striped butt licker" Inuyasha wisecracked

"Sausage sucker" Sesshoumaru replied

"Tree stump"

"Log stroker" Sesshoumaru shot back "Chafing are you?

"Spoken like a true choking his chicken mutt"

"Little brother do not fault me or be jealous because my chicken is longer and fatter then yours" Said Sasshoumaru

"Hah you wish, wimpy twig"

"Hm" Sesshoumaru responded

"That's all ya got lord high and mighty, his pants are to tighty?" ah you wuss"

Without another word Sesshoumaru had Inuyasha inside a giant carved with a scary face Halloween pumpkin near the front door. He was dressed in a bright orange bikini, then his feet cement glued to the bottom of it the pumpkin, and holding a lit in glass candle in his hand that was also glued as well. The seething hanyou merely growled while Sesshoumaru stood watching and smiling evilly

"I know it's early but let me be the first to wish you a happy freaking Halloween little brother" Sesshoumaru taunted "Say cheese" he said then took pictures

"Sesshoumaru I will get you for this if it is the last thing I do"

"Oh my dear gods, at it already?" Sugimi commented

"Father would you have it any other way? Sesshoumaru calmly and innocently answered

"Pop your gonna have one pup less when I get the hell out of this damn forsaken thing" Inuyasha said

"You know eldest pup there is an upside to all of this" Sugimi said

"And that would be? Sesshoumaru asked

"Now we can make pumpkin inu pies"

"Pumpkin inu pies? I do not believe this shit first shit head traps me, then my own rat fink father wants to make fuckin pies outta me" Inuyasha barked

"Sounds good I will do the grinding, and you get the pie shells ready" Sesshoumaru said struggling to keep a straight face

"I'm on it right now" Sugimi replied,

Sesshoumaru started flexing his claws "Do not forget the eggs, sugar, milk and other seasonings"

"Eeeeeeek, you wouldn't do it" would you? Inuyasha nervously asked

"What do you think? Was Sesshoumaru's cool reply

"Asshooooole" Inuyasha bellowed

"Yes hanyou? Sesshoumaru teased, then blew a sleeping powder in Inuyasha's face

Inuyasha woke up still groggy he rubbed his heavily lidded eyes, once his senses were fully alert he looked, his eyes went wide with horror when he looked. He was inside a huge crust covered pie with only his head sticking out, and saw smiling wickedly Sugimi, and Sesshoumaru staring at him

"Ah my son the oven is heated and ready" Sugimi said

"Okay father let's slide the pie in" Sesshoumaru said

"You two fuckers oh no you don't" Inuyasha yelled, broke through the pie, leapt and ran shrieking "Sons of bitches" he cursed

Sugimi, and Sesshoumaru were laughing so hard they had to lean against one another to keep from falling over "He, he really be, believed it" Sugimi got out

"Oh gods my stomach, he is s, so easy" Sesshoumaru managed to speak

**Out of the closet, a boney new love, Inuyasha's twisted revenge, spin cycle**

Sesshoumaru patiently waited for Inuyasha to pass by a closet as he did with his powers Sesshoumaru made the door burst open, and a skeleton popped out "Ahhhhhhh" what the hell

Casually "You screamed little brother? Sesshoumaru asked

Inuyasha was about to speak when the skeletons boney hand reached out and stroked Inuyasha's butt, then gave it a gentle squeeze "Eeek" what the fuck? This things possessed. Get off me"

"I believe getting you off is what it is trying to do, as long as it is a female I see that you have nothing to worry about dear brother" Sesshoumaru teased

"What the hell do you mean as long as it's female? You sicko, if I find out it's a boy I will rip your fucking prick off, you pansy"

"Just as I said" have you gone deaf in your old age? Sit back, relax, and enjoy, from what I see it is very good at and takes it's time with foreplay"

"Sesshoumaru you suck you cheap man whor" Inuyasha never got to finish

"What I suck or do not suck you will never know" Simultaneously the skeletons arms went around Inuyasha's neck, and legs around his waist, it moved in a humping motion, while it's teeth nipped his neck "Get a room" Sesshoumaru wisecracked "Perverts, you care not who witnesses your vulgar pubic, I mean public display"

"Asshole bone humper this fucking thing attacked me, you could at least help"

Sesshoumaru applauded "Well at least have the decency to use a condom. We would not want any bone inu pups running around" now would we? Sesshoumaru ragged fighting to keep a straight face "Little brother has a boner for his boney lover, damn and here I thought you liked meat on the bones"

"Then why don't you take the bitch and throw a good one into her? What the hell you're both already dead and cold. Hell make it your mate no live female wants your frosty ass"

"No she is your woman, and I would never come between you. I will never be guilty of destroying true love" Sesshoumaru teased "Kiss your woman dear brother"

"Bullshit" Inuyasha bit, he was already scheming a dirty trick of his own "If we looked up the definition of full of shit in the dictionary your picture would be right next to it, with crap running out of your ears"

"Wow that constipation has really got you all uptight, that is what you get for wearing a thong" isn't it? Fool thongs are for girls"

Inuyasha finally managed to get the skeleton off of him, then threw it at Sesshoumaru "Here's your boney bitch, you take care of her. Happy humping" Inuyasha wisecracked, then left "And if ya can't use your own use a rubber one" he yelled back

"Sesshoumaru my son I swear you become sicker and more depraved with age" Sugimi said

"Be that as it may little brother is just too much fun to torture"

By yearly Invitation Kagome, Sango, Kagome, and the gang arrived that same day to spend Halloween week at the Taisho estate. That night every one bedded down for the night, and Inuyasha put his plan into action, Sesshoumaru was in a deep relaxing peaceful sleep. He began to dream she lay behind him, her hand slipped down to his crotch, then between his thighs and started massaging his shaft and balls, Sesshoumaru nearly came

Ready for some late night loving Sesshoumaru turned to face her, in the dark room he could not see her face, he kissed her passionately, both already naked nothing stood in his way. Still laying on his side Sesshoumaru put her leg over his hip, moved his hips forward, then slipped in and moved she was like silk on his hot skin. He was about to climax when he awoke and found he was on his side face to face with a skeleton one leg over his hip pumping back and forth

"Inuyasha bastard Taisho I am going to kill you" Sesshoumaru screamed waking all within the house "You little pussy"

"And the fun begins" Sugimi said "I knew Youngest pup was going to do something rotten to eldest pup"

"As if Frostymaru" tell me was she everything you dreamed of? Bet she made you harder then you've ever been" hah? Inuyasha taunted "Ouch hurts so good, and I'm not a pussy but I do have a big dick"

"Mutt face always was a sick bastard" Kouga said to Miroku "This just proves it"

"You know it, well looks like we're going to get better entertainment this Halloween" Miroku replied

"Well here we go girls, lets go watch" Kagome said

"Yes" Ayame, Sango, and Kagura agreed

Then an evil thought crossed Sesshoumaru's devious mind "I will see you in the morning"

"Aw big bro got a woody" got to got play yank the sausage? Inuyasha wisecracked "Stroke the snake, and release the hostages"

"I am too tired right now to care" Sesshoumaru replied

"Aw come on Sessh" what no revenge, no chase and try to kill Inuyasha. What are you getting old?

"I have already told you, I will not repeat myself, goodnight fool" Sesshoumaru answered

"Oh fuck it, fine kill joy go to bed, stroke the lizard or whatever the hell your going to do"

Cocky and gloating over a false victory Inuyasha went into the kitchen to raid the fridge, he took out what he wanted, poured himself a nice glass of ice cold milk, then made a big rare roast beef sandwich. He sat down and was about to bite into it, then at the same time he suddenly felt the sandwich leave his hand, and himself being lifted out of the chair, and then found he spinning in a circle, it dawned on him he was inside the washing machine in the wash cycle

It was a front loader so it had a glass door, as he looked out through the glass he saw smiling evilly Sesshoumaru standing there looking at him, eating his roast beef sandwich, and drinking his milk. Beef was Inuyasha's favorite meat, and Sesshoumaru's as well, Inuyasha gave him the finger. Sesshoumaru's response was dropping his pants and mooning Inuyasha with his bare butt. Sugimi entered the kitchen with the others right behind him, Sugimi's eyes widened then with one hand on the table for balance he bent over and cracked up laughing

"I guess now we can call him Spinyasha" Miroku joked

"Whoa nice ass, I would love to give it a bite" Kagome thought, catching a glimpse while Sesshoumaru pulled his pants up

Then Inuyasha started to change he looked dizzy and drunk, the cycle ended Sugimi opened the door, then bright neon lemon yellow Inuyasha stepped out on wobbly legs, and glazed unfocused eyes looked on. Then it hit they're noses an overpowering sickening sweet scent, Sesshoumaru had put his own special concoction in the washing machine dye, and extra sweet demon perfume, and Inuyasha was drunk from it

"Hey pop" how's it hanging? Or is it hiding? Hehehe" Inuyasha teased, something he'd never ask when sober

"Son you are drunk" Sugimi said

"Maybe just a little bit, I don't know" Inuyasha replied "Wh, what do you think? Hey pop do I have a pecker or a fur piece? He asked looking at his crotch

"I know, and you are" Sugimi replied, to drive Inuyasha nuts "And if you have a pecker or fur piece you ask, as a matter of fact you have both"

Inuyasha looked Whaaat?

"Aw don't worry even though you are a she male we still love you anyway" wise ass Kagura teased

"But I can't have both" Inuyasha replied

"Well you can and you do dog breath" Kouga ragged

"Hey pop I'm yellow" hah? Now I'm an inu lemon, hehehe" Inuyasha said

"Little brother you are a drunken sot" Sesshoumaru said

"Hey I remember you, you stole and ate my samich, I mean sandwich, and drank my milk to. That's a na, naughty thing to do, I'm gonna tell dad" Inuyasha stammered

"No one likes a tattle tail" Sesshoumaru replied "And I did you a favor you could stand to lose a few pounds"

"Hey I I'm not fat stupid head"

"Alright my drunken pup to bed you go" Sugimi said, put Inuyasha over his shoulder, and carried him up to his room

"Weeeee, Daddy's giving Yasha ride, Yay Yasha like ride"

Sugimi came back "Sesshoumaru why did you do that to your brother? Sesshoumaru told him

"Whoa now that was really nasty" Kagura commented

"Shit I don't blame you, he got off easy, and if he did that to me I'd kill him" Kouga said

"Not me I'd let him live and cement girls clothes onto him" Ayame told them

"Yeah sis and don't forget the nail polish and make up" Sango added

"Yikes females so deadly" Mirroku stated

"You said it brother" Kouga commented

The next morning Inuyasha woke up, looked at himself, then "Sesshoumaruuuuu? Yellow, you dyed me fucking yellow. Eew and this sickening sweet stench"

Inuyasha ran down the stairs with murderous intent toward Sesshoumaru, and was greeted with "Hey sexy" Miroku teased

"Wow who's the hot blond? Wanna go out behind the shed and have a little fun baby? Kouga ragged

"Yeah I sure as hell wouldn't mind taking a run on that my damn self" Miroku teased

"I ain't no blond you simple ass bastard, and kiss my ass you pervy bitches" Inuyasha bit

"Look at your hair"

Inuyasha did "You son of a bitch lemon yellow hair"

"What are you whining about? You're already for Halloween" Sesshoumaru needled "Plus you got a free makeover, I am a pro you know, others pay me big bucks for it"

"I'll give you Halloween you dick, just wait. You better sleep with one eye open" Inuyasha threatened

"I'd shiver with fear if that promise came from a grown man and not a boy" was Sesshoumaru's reply "Come back in ten years when you are a man"

"Ooo you pussy you"

"I'm not a pussy, but I do love it" Sesshoumaru answered "Your to young now but in a few years you'll know the wonders of the hairy little cave to"

**A new suit, foxes **

Sesshoumaru wake up encased in a giant condom coated with silver glitter, the top tied closed with a big red bow around his neck, the taiyoukai was seething so much that he had not yet realized that the acid from his claws was seeping out melting his trap. And he did something completely uncharacteristic of him shocking all inside the Taisho house

"Inuyasha you son of a bitch. When I get my claws on you, you will die" Sesshoumaru promised "Get out here now you cheap tart"

"Aw" is Sausagemaru upset? Does he need some Perkaset? Want some reefer, that cures everything?"

"Sausagemaru? The others all asked in the same breath

"What in the name of the gods have you done this time? Sugimi questioned

"Oh you'll see, just be patient" Inuyasha answered grinning like the cat that ate the canary "I gave him a free makeover, so I don't see what he is bitching about. Oh Sesshy baby move it" will you? I ain't getting any younger"

Next Sesshoumaru still mostly wrapped in the giant condom except for his hands and legs, eyes glowing blood red and growling came bounding down the stairs flexing his elongated claws "Ohhhhhh shit" the group exclaimed

"Start making funeral plans" Sesshoumaru said in a voice that did not sound like his "Feeling lucky little sister?

"Oh this is bad, really bad" Sugimi said

Sesshoumaru lunged, and Inuyasha ran "Aw Sausagemaru is all wrapped up tight so he'll stay nice and warm all through the night" Inuyasha taunted "Want some beans with that meat?

"Growl" Sesshoumaru responded

"Inuyasha you show off" Kagome said

"Hey mutt face die well" Kouga joked

An hour later transformed into a dog the size of a horse Sesshoumaru returned with Inuyasha dangling from the neck of and all that was left of his shirt in Sesshoumaru's fangs. He was curled in the fetal position naked as the day he was born with his hands clamped over his male treasure; Sesshoumaru had eaten his brother's clothes off with his acid, the gang could not hold back any longer and burst out laughing

Smirking doggy Sesshoumaru "Hehehe" laughed, then dropped Inuyasha on his ass "Woof, woof" then Sesshoumaru pushed him with his with his paw toward the others

"Damn mutt face go put some clothes on, shit I think I'm scarred for life" said Kouga

"Why did I have to have a brother? Dad you should'a kept it in your pants that night" Inuyasha said "Or buried it in the ground till the passion passed" couldn't you have just given it a hand job"

"I didn't the night you were made" why should I have the night your brother was created? Sugimi replied "Besides the sex is most excellent, and I will never as you say use a hand job when I have a live willing female"

"Yeah he will find out when he finally loses his virgin shield" Miroku razzed

"Screw you one and all. And I am not a virgin you whore'y so called monk" Inuyasha shot back as he ran up the stairs with one hand on his butt, and the other on his male parts

"At least I'm getting some" Miroku shot back

"Yeah if rubber coochy counts" Inuyasha yelled back

Next Shippou's worst nightmare showed up "Inuyasha please hide me? Shippou pled

"What's your problem runt?

"Remember those pesky foxes that hounded, followed, and drove me nuts?

"Yup, sure do" Inuyasha answered

"They're out there"

"Is that so? Hehehe" Inuyasha replied cracking his knuckles with a sick grin "Man I'm gonna enjoy this"

"Uh oh" Sango, Kagome, and Kagura exclaimed

"Free show folks" Ayame said

Sure enough the doorbell rang, Inuyasha answered it "What do you squirts want?

"Master Shippou" the foxes replied

"What for? And if I do decide to let you in you gotta pay a toll to enter here"

"It's fox business dog" the head one wisecracked "And master Shippou will never allow you to do such a thing"

"Uh oh" here it comes Sugimi whispered to the others "They have no idea how sick he is"

"Ah ha" was their reply

"Really ya rabid runts last time I checked I live here this is my house, not a fox den. The Taisho family home and I am a Taisho" Inuyasha wisecracked "Got that, you mangy drowned rats?"

"We want Shippou now" they demanded "Go and fetch him now"

"Oh really? Inuyasha replied "Now you say, go and fetch him"

"See you in the afterlife" Shippou said "Hehehe, dumb bastards" he thought

"Master Shippo" the foxes started to call but never got to finish

Before they could draw their next breath they had big pink bows tied around they're necks, and found themselves in cages on display "There ya go boys, and there you will stay on display for all to see till after Halloween night ends. Hehehe" Inuyasha informed them

"Nooooo" they screeched

"Yeeeees" Inuyasha taunted "Aw so pretty, I just wanna hug and squeeze you but won't"

"Dirty dog" they whined

"Duh you just now figured that out, took ya long enough" Inuyasha replied

"Father he has inherited your deranged humor gene" Sesshoumaru said

"And you did as well my son" Sugimi replied

"Yes an unavoidable Taisho family trait" Sesshoumaru stated

"It is times like this that I am such a proud father. Your daddy's two little devils" Sugimi answered

**Jaken's fireworks, trick or treat, Halloween surprise**

The next day "Oh god's what the fuck? Oh I think my nuts are cracked" Inuyasha screeched when he sat down "Why me? Somebody's going to die"

"I am lord Sesshoumaru's faithful servant, he will not stand for this" Jaken bit

"More like his faithful ugly green door mat" Inuyasha shot back "And remember butt head you started this shit not me"

"Mangy filthy dog"

"Well ass wad you're the little bastard who rigged a shower head in my bathroom toilet to spray my dick balls and ass the minute I sat down" aren't you? Inuyasha replied "Freezing cold water I should kill you for that alone. Never hit a fellow male below the belt"

"At least I did not rig your bed to grip you with locking steel bands around your entire body the second you awoke"

"Ah shut up" what are you bitching about? Like Hallmark I care enough to send the very best" Inuyasha ragged

"I will get you for this" Jaken promised

"Yeah, yeah, whatever, keep dreaming"

Sesshoumaru's faithful retainer decided to have some fun, and get revenge so he put something on Inuyasha's chair and patiently waited for his poor victim to come and take his seat. Lunch time came all seated themselves at the dining room table except Inuyasha who was the last to arrive, he came and took his seat the second he did fireworks went off under his ass. As the sparks and pretty colors flew all around the room Inuyasha's eyes immediately filled with murder

"There prince sparkle pants, dumb dog" how do you like me now? Jaken cockily asked

Too calmly "You want to know you little wart? Inuyasha answered "Okay"

"Gulp, now lord Inuyasha it was only in jest"

"That lord Inuyasha shit ain't going to work on me"

"Eek" Jaken squeaked "Lord Sesshoumaru?

"Jaken"

"Yes my lord?

"Do not die to much" Sesshoumaru said with a sadistic smile

"Gulp, eek, he's sm, smiling" Jaken stammered

"Hehehe" Inuyasha laughed "Yum your ass is mine" he said rubbing his hands together

Inuyasha had Jaken dressed in a pink ballerina costume tutu slippers and all, with a matching bag and rose on his head "Cough, cough m, mutt face this is sick even for you" Kouga chocked out between laughs

"Well he's got a job to do and he has got to do it right" Inuyasha answered "Daddy wants his treats"

"S, son you are one sick b, boy" laughing Sugimi managed to say

"What is this job you speak of, little brother?" asked Sesshoumaru

"In two seconds you will see big bro, it is the ultimate trick or treat" Inuyasha stated "Oh this is going to be the best Halloween ever"

"Gulp" Jaken did, Inuyasha pushed Jaken toward opened, then pushed him out through the door "No you cannot do this" have mercy?

"Yes I can and am" was Inuyasha's reply "Now you are going to bear the embarrassment and go from house to house trick or treating or die. You owe me for what you did, consider it getting off with a light sentence, oh yeah and before I forget" he said, then dusted Jaken's cheeks with bright pink blush, and his lips with matching lipstick

"How can you be so cruel to a fellow demon? Jaken whined "Could you not just kill me instead?

"Easy, now get out there and score daddy some goodies" Was Inuyasha's reply, then smacked Jaken across the butt sending him on his way "Go on now daddy's waiting"

"Oh the poor little bastard" Sesshoumaru commented "That is indeed worse then death, or any punishment I could hand down upon him"

Jaken returned an hour later holding a bag bulging with Halloween treats "Good boy" Inuyasha said, took the bag and looked "Hm, nice selection, now I won't have to spank and kill you"

"Miserable heartless dog" Jaken mumbled

"What was that? Inuyasha said

"Oh no"

The next thing Jaken knew he was inside the cage with the foxes with a big pink bow tied around his neck, but with one big difference the bow held the opening of a neon sprinkled with pink glitter red glow in the dark condom that encased his body up to his neck. Inuyasha filmed it with his digital camcorder he had demented plans for later on

"Let me out of here, you cannot do this to me" Jaken yowled "You heartless mutt"

"Ah shut it you look pretty and you know it" Inuyasha ragged

Halloween night Inuyasha put his caged prizes on display, he charged a dollar per person to look upon the oddities and made a bundle by 11: pm that night he had made $500 "Let us out" the moping red faced foxes and Jaken pled

"Yeah, yeah flea bags don't have a period, or get your panties in a twist, wouldn't want to fracture your nuts or anything" Inuyasha wisecracked "Hah, seems you little pricks are good for something after all" he said as he counted his money

"Shit brutal" Kouga said

"I ain't done yet they are gonna look good on the internet, I got them all on tape, in the cages, Jaken trick or treating. As soon as it's ready I'm uploading it" Inuyasha told them

"Inuyasha my friend you are to diabolical" Miroku commented

"Who little old me? I'm just an innocent dog celebrating his favorite holiday"

"Son with friends like you who needs enemies" Sugimi said

Inuyasha was in for a big surprise one he did not see coming in a million years. As he crept to Sesshoumaru's room not paying attention he eased the door open, there as in his dream Sesshoumaru was laying on his side moving his hips back and forth "Damn he's reliving that dream again, horny prick" Inuyasha thought

But this was different, all in a flash second this time he heard a familiar voice "Oh Sesshoumaru" and saw as big brother bite a neck, then was bitten himself by none other then fanged Kagome

Before Inuyasha could escape "Little brother you are about to die" Sesshoumaru warned after pulling his fangs from Kagome's neck

"Inuyasha don't make me s-i-t you into hell" Kagome said

"Gulp I, I was just leaving wench" he replied, shut the door, and ran like the devil was chasing him

"What's he up to now I wonder?" Miroku stated

"Dad, dad? Inuyasha called out to his sire

"What is it pup? Sugimi answered

"Sessh just got mated"

"Finally" Sugimi replied

"Happy Halloween honeymoon to him" Miroku said with a big lecherous grin

"Yup, I played the trick and he got the treat" Inuyasha commented

"You know son after mating that means Kagome's fanged and has claws so she can do way worse then sit you now" Sugimi teased

"Gulp, yipe, gee thanks pop you just had to remind me" didn't you? Inuyasha replied

"I only speak the truth" Sugimi answered, loving his sons torment

"Oh man I can just see it now dog breath's Kagome's new doggie claw sharpener" Kouga ragged

"Happy freakin Halloween to me" Inuyasha said


End file.
